march3 experience

for a long time i've been wanting to post this experience. it was just a good experience. a testimony to the goodness of my god. i had been very skeptical of these experiences - especially 'holy laughter'. even though i've known so many friends experience it, i could never be sure that it wasn't us being deceived or just slightly hysterical or some other psychological thing. i just copied this from my journal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

during worship, you touched me and i wept. (a LOT of weeping..) thank you so much. yesterday, i was talking with daniel and i couldn't remember the last time i cried. ive also been asking to be filled with the spirit - just to have that experience with you and receive your power so i can minister to people. during worship, i wept and sobbed as i felt grateful to you. these were my thoughts:

"thank you. i love you. i will give my life for you. i'd do anything for you. i would die for you. i am yours."

we ended worship and went into communion. i kept crying as pj spoke. i was calming down and then they started singing 'give me jesus'. then i started to cry again b/c all i want is you jesus. if everything was taken away from me and i had to live a life of loneliness and terror i would do it as long as i could be with you. 'there's nothing i want more' (climb - united pursuit).

then we went to greet each other and i was calming down again. i was pretty calm and then walking towards the communion thing and then pradeepan hugged me, boss hugged me, kevin hugged me, and then we started praying together and then i began to weep again. oh my gosh. ahaha. it was so good.

i took communion and i almost started crying again, but you began a little bit of laughter in me.

i went to the restroom to go wash my face. the first time the tears touched my face they BURNED b/c my face was dry and my tears were salty. as i was washing my face, i began to cry again! and then i started laughing. EXTREMELY hard. i fell on the ground and i couldn't stop. and then i was kind of calming down and andy came in and saw me... hahaha. now i understand why they thought the people at pentecost were drunk.

i came back to the youth room and then i was going to my seat and i started laughing really hard. i ran into the kitchen and tried to laugh quietly and i fell down again. eventually i calmed down and came out to hear the sermon.

i really love these experiences with you. as i was laughing all i was thinking about was how grateful i was for you. there was so much pure worship inside of me.

yesterday i was praying and i was super excited for worship. i noticed that i had become less excited and that as i imagined worshiping the next day i no longer saw myself dancing around. i realized it would be a battle to push everyone out of my mind and to worship you as i would when i was alone. you'll set me free from that soon. i believe it. anyways, i started to pray that you would help me be free. and during the middle of the set today, i remembered that i should try to be free and worship you.

ALSO. that thought, "i would die for you." would it even be possible to take that risk for you apart from missions? i can't imagine it. i guess it's possible, but it seems like i can't.

im planning to do missions lord. i want to get into harvest mission school. i feel like you've set this up for me. CPM seems more applicable to me - it perfectly matches my vision for church planting. but i think you want me to catch the heart that harvest has to offer. and i want it. so tell me the right place to go! and the right country! im leaving all my plans to you. you can change it whenever you want. i don't care. i trust you.

and i'm planning to go to india for a month or so.