i'm all in

i needed this God.

one night where every point of a sermon hit me.

they were SIMPLE points. seriously. i am so used to hearing all these elaborate and deep things.

I've just been having my intellect fed...

but now, God. You've got me.

You've convinced me that it's all or nothing.

If I'm not totally in, I shouldn't expect anything. no wonder things have been slow lately.

but the fix is this: i'm all in.

every word You give me Lord, IMMEDIATELY, i will go.

wake me up any time in the night, give me an assignment, I'll do it.

i'll intercede. i'll take the phone call. i'll do it all. b/c it's all or nothing - and i'm all in.

God. it took a while for me to catch on.

I'm sorry.

It took a while for me to understand that You weren't my only god.

I'm sorry.

it took a while for me to see that you are totally capable and able to provide.

it took a friend going through the roughest of times,

and a sermon that showed me I was too because I wasn't all in.

Lord. I've been all in before. i don't know how it stopped.

but i remember days on end without being tired.

prayer for hours upon hours without being tired.

entire 24 hour periods of just me and you.

what happened?

--i stopped being all in.

so all these distractions - their Yours.

do with them as you please.

throw them out, evolve or transform them into your desires.

all i want for me is what You want for me.

i'm expecting big things, and i think this is the way it's supposed to be.

You'll show up tomorrow, and the day after that.

and if I don't understand that You have shown up, I'll weep and cry out until You show me where You were.

I need Your presence. I need You to give me desires for Your presence.

I need You to give me a desire for Your word - that I may get used to seeking You through it.

Fix my bad habits:

i've fallen back into reading the word for knowledge.

i've fallen back into reading the bible as a task or check list.

but i'm falling back into taking it as Your words to me.

so Lord, speak to me. I need your rhema word.

I need Your revelation.

I give up my intellect and any knowledge that doesn't lead to revelation.

any desire that's in me and doesn't lead to you - destroy it.

any hesitation to obey Your words, help me repent.

i surrender myself, desires and all.

all that's left of me is for You.